Doxory?

subreption: I have a live-in boyfriend (let's call him John) who loves me very much and who I have what I would consider a 7/10 relationship with. I also know a guy (Will) who could maybe give me a 9/10 relationship but who 1) has a girlfriend (who he'd maybe dump for me), and who 2) lives 1500 miles away [right now] but isn't committed to staying in that area. I've cheated with Will off and on through the past 5 years during which I've had relationships with three different people. I have never been able to stay away from him. But John really loves me.

Asked 2 years ago

Try to develop my relationship with Will to the point where both of us want to leave our existing relationships / get to know each other better to the exclusion of others? In other words, go for the possible 9/10 even though in doing so, I may commit ethical wrong and inflict possible emotional harm to John?

tibbetts: Breaking up with someone is not ethically wrong and shouldn't be too emotionally harmful. Better to do that than keep cheating.
katili: It sounds like though John loves you, you don't love him... staying with him could also be considered ethical wrong and could inflict emotional harm on him...

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Try as best I can to forget Will, even though I haven't been able to in the past, and commit myself fully to John? (Warning: this route would be extremely difficult.)

jesse: Starting a relationship with cheating...isn't a good sign that there won't be more cheating later.
lakmiseiru: Whatever you do, you need to talk with John. Seriously. If it's a 7/10 and Will is a 9/10, you need to know why, and you need to be open with him. Going behind his back and cheating with a friend because you're not getting what you need with John isn't cool. Screwing over your current boy because you can't stay away from another one means you need to step back and seriously reexamine your current thoughts on relationships and what the heck is going on with them.
roga: ................. you should focus on just on man.
geoff: The root of your problem is not these two particular boys, it is that you are a selfish person who does not care about others. To solve your problem, you must become a caring, empathetic person who loves other people and takes pleasure in their happiness. Staying with John faithfully is one of several ways to start down the path to being a better person. Breaking up with John and leaving Will alone is another. An open relationship is still another. If you do what you're saying you want to do, and break up with John in order to induce Will to break up with his girlfriend so you can have him all to yourself, you will not be any happier. Instead, Will will become the new John, and the cycle will repeat.

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Skipped (with comments)

wdaher: Both approaches are horrible. But if you're not happy with John, don't waste his time. I'd say, "Break up with John, and then deal. If something happens with Will, great, if not, that's how these things go." -- to use John temporarily till you can get Will seems unfair to everyone.
jtu: Dump John. If he really loves you, your cheating isn't fair to him. He deserves better.
kyrandil: Your actions indicate a lack of respect for "John", so that will be very difficult. But I wouldn't trust that "Will" respects you either (He'll dump his gf and move? that's huge!). You are required to burn a bridge here, and I can't really tell you which one will turn out better in the long run. But you can't have both. - - - Neither is probably the right answer.
erin: I think you are doing both John and Will (not to mention Will's girlfriend) a disservice by staying with John and cheating with Will. I would leave John -- you are clearly not happy enough to stay with him. You can try a relationship with Will at that point, but I warn you that reality may not live up to your vision.
ntn: If committing yourself fully to someone is so hard, (and your relationship is monogamous) *why are you still with them*? Alternately, if you keep cheating on everyone you date, why are you pretending to be exclusive with them? It sounds like you need to take some time off of relationships to find out what you want, and how to get it honestly.
glasser: Reading this makes me sad.
Richie: You are actually cheating on both men. You appear unready to have a real relationship. Be honest with both men that you are not able to commit to a relationship, and take some time away from all men to figure out who you are and what you want.
melike: The grass is always greener!
Alex: Mu.
seph: It sounds like you don't actually want to stay with John. So you should break up. It seems unfair to John otherwise. What happens with Will is incidental.
zkzkz: Just leave John now; your "try as best" answer makes it clear you're going to eventually anyways.
androidqueen: Leave them both. You clearly want the relationship with Will more, but he's taken. If you're both free at the same time, then you can go for it.
transistorman: at least be honest with john. then try taking a break from relationships until you have a better sense of what you want and how to get it.
sauergeek: If you want to chase Will, break up with John *first*. Same goes for Will and his current GF.
ksil83: you should go for a 10 out of 10. john doesn't deserve to be treated like that (no one does) and will would have left the other girl already if he intended to. YOU deserve better than that (anyone would). drop them both and start fresh.

If you make a stupid choice because a website tells you to, it's your own damn fault.